Books » Excerpt from Embrace the Moment
The fourth decade of life can also be a time when shifts with our partners may occur. Some of us have been married for twenty years or more and our spouses have traveled at our sides. Our dance has been synchronistic as we move, lead, follow, and connect. When the flow is gentle and sweet, as in the early years, we do not need to hold tightly. We are confident in the rhythm, the pattern of the dance.
But as the years progress, the marriage relationship is one encumbered by children, jobs, other responsibilities, and life in general. We sense what once was a dance choreographed with a steady partner, may now feel like a solo appearance. At one time, we were at a galloping speed in our relationship; now there is a pulse and the movement is at a minimum. The composition is new and the change in our marriage can be that of a rumba, a waltz, the tango, or a slow step. The movement is different for everyone. The pure love with our partner, when our desire and passion was at a boiling point, was captured in years past.
Life and children change the intensity of relationships. As change occurs, our timing may be off; we may miss a beat, or step to the side of our partner. This is the time to work together and set the tempo, the speed, and the rate of the dance. Our relationship with our partner may suffer a mild crisis as we move into new territory. We may not be walking the same path, or even at the same pace. How can we be when we ourselves are uncertain of our path?
Be diligent. Do not cave in to fear and doubt. This time in life is about discovery.
When we sprout new wings, our partner might fly along with us, or perhaps fly in a different direction. Our new wings may be a direct reflection of honoring the feelings from our heart. Do not be in a hurry. It takes time, patience, and an active awareness to allow these authentic feelings to surface. In time, we will know if our love can sustain this evolution.
But do not feel a failure if you cannot recover what was once a great love affair. As Anne Morrow Lindbergh so eloquently states, "One learns to accept the fact that no permanent return is possible to an old form of relationship; and, more deeply still, that there is no holding of a relationship to a single form. This is not tragedy but part of the ever-recurrent miracle of life and growth."